Yesterday
I joined Kasamura-san's seminar!
and I had a massive realization.
The basics of how we interact with the world is found・・・
"in our relationships with our mothers."
That makes sense.
Afterall, for a baby
the mother is the key to the baby's survival.
It's a life and death relationship.
From the moment she is born
Because it starts right away
There are many misunderstandings and misconceptions.
Maybe that is called "assumption.
(Assumption is an assumption because you don't think it is an assumption.)
And it starts immediately after birth
so of course there will be alot of misunderstandings or misconceptions.
Perhaps that's what's called "assumptions".
（An assumption is an assumption because you don't think it's one.)
I experienced the greatest opportunity to
reconstruct my relationship with the world
by reconstructing the template that supported my belief systems.
to make it easier for the emotions to come out〜
We started with
an exercise to let go of "fear."
"I'm scared〜"
"I'm scared〜"
"I'm scared〜"
and then we moved into
an exercise to let out "anger".
We screamed from our gut
"FXXX you--!"
"%*$%#"
During the exercise to
"let out disparages to your mother"
I had a huge realization！！！
For me, there was no occasion for cursing.
So I was releasing my anger in a bewildered manner
Then, unexpectedly,
"Cuz you're an idiot," came out of nowhere.
My mother was a master communicator.
but she was not the type to study hard.
She was good at close combat, but
she was not good at grasping the big picture.
She couldn't survive without me supporting her!
That's what I had assumed.
Wow!
I realized that this is the template I use
in my relations with other people
and with the world around me!!
After my mother died in September 2021,
I didn't have the courage to listen to the
multiple voice messages from her on my cell phone.
Yesterday, I had the courage to listen to them.
For me, I had
guilt that "I should have helped her more".
At the end, before she collapsed
I had anger toward her.
I wanted to punish her.
Today I realized that I lived until today carrying those emotions,
because I didn't know how to deal with it.
When I started listening to her voicemail
something collapsed and I cried.
On the bullet train from Osaka to Hiroshima
I cried.
〜〜〜
This is an essay I wrote shortly after my mother passed away.
↓↓↓↓
My mother was alive until yesterday afternoon.
She called me to tell me that the fish paste I sent her
from Kagoshima the other day had arrived.
And then
she collapsed in the evening.
I heard my brother's voice panicking on the other end of the phone and
and my sister's voice explaining the situation
I knew intuitively that she might not make it.
My brother called me from the hospital.
Next, I received a LINE from my sister...
My mother had gone to heaven.
I want to see you
more.
I wanted to talk with you
more.
But that will no longer come true.
She is no longer here.
My mother had asthma since childhood.
She always breathed with a rasping sound in her throat.
I was prepared to think that her life would end with a painful breath.
However,
the situation is that she went to get a beer from the storage room outside and
it seems she collapsed on the front porch.
It was only 20 minutes
before my brother went out and my sister found her.
It's hard to believe〜
I went to my parents' house today.
I touched my mother's breath who was alive just a little while earlier.
My mother suddenly disappeared from my world...
She is gone.
When I saw my dead mother all made up,
it looked like she would wake up and talk to me soon.
"Mommy, Thank you."
Sumie as a child was burnt black from sunburn.
She worked very hard.
As an adult, I worked with her.
I learned so so much from her.
When she became a grandma,
she also strolled the streets of Paris and welcomed the children home.
Looking back, I have nothing but good memories.
I can picture Sumie drinking beer in every scene.
We went to Bali many times together〜
She came to Tokyo many times too〜
She left us at the end of the summer of 2021.
I came out of a dream when I decided "to do it."
It was Yayoi-san's seminar.
Other than that, many fake headlines also came to me.
You taught in my dream that the important thing is to decide "to do it".
I used go be able to connect with Sumie at the touch of a button on my cell phone.
Now she is gone.
↓↓↓
When I read it back like this
I can recall the feelings I had at that time.
〜〜〜now back to the seminar〜〜〜
Also, in the
exercise to "let out anger towards someone you hate"
I participated in the seminar wondering if I had anger inside me.
but something huge came out.
I was surprised to find out that it was more than anger, it was a curse.
It was not "You're a stupid idiot〜!
It was the voice of the devil saying,
"I'll show you what happens!"
He grins and smiles thinly and
angrily and indirectly let his emotions fly.
It was a demon, not a sweet thing.
It was
Directly
and certainly
a curse.
If you do something like that
bad things would really happen to that person
and cause the person to die.
It was accompanied by the horror of death.
I thought this is why I was containing the anger.
We moved the focus that tries to escape to thoughts,
to the physical sensation.
Then don't blame me if things go wrong
You're the one who's at fault.
I found the cold sensation.
I know this great demon
I've been trying to contain it.
I'm convinced that
this demon is the god that embodies things.
I've been trying to contain the negative,
but because positive and negative coexist and are one and the same,
I have also contained the positive force.
Back to the physical sensation.
I learned alot from Kasamura-san
as she answered the questions from the participants.
To the question,
"I'm having trouble with my relationship with my husband."
"Should I leave him?"
The answer she gave left an impression.
"You should stay together."
And from the various experiences that arise through this "awkward relationship"
feel the "physical sensations" and release it.
Instead of escaping to what you think will be better,
by putting yourself in a bad situation,
and feeling through the emotional experience that arise,
you can clear the world inside of you.
Instead of running away from a bad environment
Use that environment as more opportunities and chances to feel.
Speaking of which
I remember Kasamura-san saying that the year-end and New Year's
is an opportune time.
Because during these holidays people go back to their hometown,
and enter into close relationships with people.
Especially parents and children...
Many things come up that
irritate you
piss you off
or bother you
It's a treasure trove of opportunities to feel
So, she also recommended,
"How about going back to your parents' house once!?"
Her face clouded over, because that's what she least wanted to do.
Because that place is a "treasure trove of hazy feelings".
It is also a "treasure trove of opportunities."
For those who want to know more↓↓↓This might be easy to understand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHrUNoBxcRE
Try shaking your body to get the pent up stuff out?!
There is a great treasure buried
in your relationship with your mother.
Meeting Yuko Kasamura is big for me〜
~~~
It's not anything difficult.
↓↓↓
about your relationship with your mother
↓↓↓
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Today will be cold！
From tomorrow, the cold wave will be the strongest in a decade, and heavy snow and blizzards will disrupt traffic (tenki.jp)
https://u.lin.ee/rnbLv0U?mediadetail=1&utm_source=line&utm_medium=share&utm_campaign=none
The "Strongest Cold Wave" in 10 Years: Heavy Snow Possible from the 24th.
Beware of freezing water pipes and road surfaces [Weather Forecaster's Commentary].
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Hiroshima lifts my mood somehow!
Ayaka ▲▲▲Arigato▲▲▲Gozaimasu
When I meet everyone
I'm bursting with excitement〜〜〜！
37 years ago on February 5th
My stopped clock started ticking!
This February 5th.
I'll be in Melbourne for a seminar!
↓↓↓↓↓
Takumi Yamazaki's Seminar information
↓↓↓
This sea urchine watercress is sooooo good〜〜
Nakachan ＠Yagenbori
I've been coming here for almost 40 years!
Thank you for pouring!
Takumi Yamazaki gets drunk on non-alcoholic beer.
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What？！
Just happening to meet by chance on a remote Okinawan island?!
I'm going to Hamamatsu on the 3rd〜
I'm looking forward to meeting you all！
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Why not start meditation？！
What is meditation？！
↓↓↓
〜This explains alot about meditation〜〜
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Wizards' Rui Hachimura Moves to Lakers,...
U.S. media report
Aiming to increase scoring and advance to the playoffs
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Link to Takumi Yamazaki’s
ENGLISH Book “SHIFT”
